Why you should work things out with your best friend
Written by Jailynn Taylor
When it comes to dating, we don’t hesitate to give people tons of chances (even if they’re not deserved). But when our closest friends make one mistake, we’re ready to send them packing.
The same friends who have been there to wipe away tears in our low moments, encouraged us to follow our wildest dreams and become our second family. We are so quick to cut them off when they make a mistake or do something we don't like instead of communicating our boundaries. The reality is, we have to work just as hard at our platonic relationships as we do our romantic ones.
Here are a few reasons why you should work things out with your best friend.
It was a misunderstanding
If it was all a misunderstanding or a misstep in communication, try talking things through instead of cutting your friend off. See where the miscommunication happened and how you can better communicate next time.
Even after you have circled back on the situation and don’t feel like you can understand where they are coming from, realize that sometimes you and your friend aren’t always going to see things from the same point of view and that’s okay.
Our friends are allowed to disagree with us or have varying views and opinions. As long as it’s not hurting anyone, it’s okay not to align on everything. It’s better to have friends that can disagree with you than a bunch of yes men who will tell you whatever you want to hear.
(@insecurehbo / Giphy)
You are both willing to do better
Suppose you both see what you did wrong in the situation and are willing to come together to work through it. You should reconsider cutting them off.
We are quick to cut off our friends because we can only see how they have wronged us, but what could we have done better in that situation? It’s time to do some self-reflecting.
Sit down with your friends and create a safe space to speak on your grievances with each other. Hear each other out without getting defensive. Take ownership for where you both can do better in the relationship and work toward doing better.
Hold one another accountable, and remember you’re in this together.
The good outweighs the bad
If you’re a very visual or logical person, making a list of pros and cons could be helpful for you.
On the pros side of the list, write down all the things you love about your best friend. The things that they do to make the friendship work and all the good times you’ve had. On the cons side, write about the things you don’t like. The things they’ve done that made the friendship feel more like a chore than a good time. Also, write out the times they have hurt you.
After you have made both lists, if you feel that the pros outweigh the cons they might be worth keeping around. Try pulling a few pain points from the cons side of your list that make you consider ending the friendship, and discuss with your friend how you can resolve these issues.
(Self Publishing Advisor / Giphy)
You still see value in the relationship
Is your best friend someone you could see as your maid of honor? Would you be heartbroken if they weren’t the godmother of your first child? Are they the first person you want to call when you get good news? Reconsider ending things with them.
If you still see them as someone you want at all those monumental moments, work it out.
You’ll regret not trying to make things better with them during those milestones because they’ll be the people’s faces in the crowd that you’ll wish were there. Don’t wait until it’s too late.
They are only human
We may forget because our friends can seem so mighty in our lives — but they are only human.
They are going to make mistakes. They are going to hurt us. They may say things they don’t mean when they are upset, but as long as they can take responsibility for their actions, apologize and work to do better, we should try to forgive.
The people in our life aren’t a swipe on Tinder or a random on the street. This is a person you have made memories with and shared your deepest darkest secrets with, and they shouldn’t be treated as though they are disposable. Before you pull out the scissors, make sure you have done everything you could to make things work.
Header photo by (Priscilla Du Preez / Unsplash)
