‘While we admire success, we can all relate to failure’: Shivali Kadam on Pageants, STEM, and Handling Failure
Graphic by Katey Williams
Shivali Kadam is not the type to easily give up. Kadam competed four times in the Miss Oregon competition before she won in 2019, making her the first Asian-American to win the title. She says that the disappointment after her third try almost made her stop coming back, but she knew that Miss Oregon could give her the platform for her passion: creating opportunities for young girls in the STEM field.
As Miss Oregon, Kadam advocates for gender equity in the STEM field through the STEMpowered initiative. In addition to her Miss Oregon work, Kadam works as a process engineer and serves as the Outreach and Education Committee Chair at the nonprofit Women in Science Portland.
Kadam shared her experiences and advice in one of Parachute’s Cloud Chat sessions. Here are some highlights:
*Kadam’s answers have been lightly edited for spelling, grammar, and clarity.
Q: What’s an important lesson that you’ve learned from your time doing pageants?
A: I think the most important lesson I’ve learned in the past five years is this: whether you believe you can or believe you can’t, you’re right (paraphrased from a quote by Henry Ford).
There were so many moments when I was my harshest critic and truly got in my own way of success. I almost didn’t compete last year (the year I won) because I was just so convinced I was going to fail again.
Thankfully, I realized that the pain of wondering what could have been would outweigh the pain of another failure, and gave it one last shot. Competing has taught me how to be a self-advocate and helped me become confident (and unapologetic) in the woman I am today.
Q: What’s something that has surprised you about working with kids and doing STEM demonstrations?
A: I guess it shouldn’t surprise me given what the research shows, but it’s always disheartening to see how many elementary school aged girls already think they’re “bad” at math/science, or will say that they aren’t smart enough.
I always tell them that I felt that way when I was younger, and even my first math course in college, but there is nothing they can’t learn with enough time/energy and the right resources. We are smart as we choose to be, because we can always increase our knowledge by asking questions, listening to experts, and taking the time to really absorb material.
Most kids, boys and girls, also have a lot of stereotypes when it comes to what they think a scientist or engineer should look like. I’ve had multiple young girls tell me that they didn’t know “princesses” could be scientists, which is such a subtle but important idea for them to be exposed to: you can be conventionally feminine (or “girly”) and still do things that society has longed viewed as “masculine” work.
Q: What advice would you give a young girl who wants to go into the STEM industry, but is scared to?
A: First, I would ask her to describe to me what she is afraid of.
Is it failing? She shouldn’t be. Because failing in STEM isn’t only okay, it’s inevitable. I have had enormous failures during my education/careers. In fact, I failed my first calculus class in college, something that almost stopped my engineering journey before it had even started. It isn’t your rate of failure that ultimately determines your success, but your capacity for perseverance and your attitude towards learning from the mistakes you make.
Is it not having support from friends/family? That can be tough, but there are SO many orgs out there now that can help fill any gaps in your support system. I would encourage her to connect with the STEM orgs in her area—like the nonprofit I am involved with, Women in Science Portland.
Is it facing sexism/discrimination? Another tough one, because both, unfortunately, are still quite common in the STEM industry. But, again, there are many resources to support womxn in STEM, and the only way we can change the industry is by empowering ourselves to challenge it. I would remind her that she isn’t alone in these struggles and there are many womxn (and men) that she can lean on should such obstacles present themselves.
Overall, I would remind her that it is okay to be afraid, but it isn’t okay to allow fear to decide her future. I spent most of my life doing that, and I was unhappy and full of regrets because of it. The day that I decided that I was going to allow my ambition to lead my way instead of my fear is the day I truly began discovering my own power.
Q: How do you deal with rejection or failure?
A: I think failure/rejection must become easier to stomach the more often you experience them because they definitely don’t faze me as much anymore. There are just SO many opportunities in the world. Just because one opportunity doesn’t work out, doesn’t mean you won’t find one that does (often, an even better one). I think it goes back to realizing that your value is not dependent on external validation.
One failure I had that truly changed me was when I failed calc 1. As someone who prided herself on being an excellent student and was hoping to become an engineer, it was a huge setback for me, academically and mentally. I was so tempted to just give up—but I knew that I would regret giving up on my goal after just one hiccup. In hindsight, I’m very grateful that I had enough faith in myself to persevere, and I’m actually grateful for that failure because it has made me more empathetic towards students in that position—something that has really helped me connect with the kids I work with.
While we admire success, we can all relate to failure. And, honestly, it makes the successes that much more meaningful.
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Written by Sam Nguyen
