How to set boundaries with your boss

Career Advice

Oct 26

Work relationships are a lot like any other relationship in your life. They require time, energy and communication. A fundamental way in which work relationships differ from any other is the desire to be liked and respected is heightened.

This can lead to a tendency to be overly agreeable at work. If we’re agreeable, our boss will know that we’re easy to approach, follow directions well, are capable of taking on additional tasks, all things that translate into being well liked and respected. The thing is, being agreeable isn’t the only way to be respected in your office. Unfortunately, it is a sure-fire way to prioritize the needs of others over your own and burn yourself out.

Identify and communicate your boundaries.

How can we be respected, take on the tasks we want to, without burning ourselves out? It all boils down to boundaries: knowing them, setting them and sticking to them. Which begs the question, how do I communicate my boundaries to my boss?

The first step in communicating your boundaries is identifying them. That means recognizing where you don’t have boundaries and where you need them. Once you’ve identified them, you need to be clear on where you can and cannot bend when setting a boundary with your boss. Here are some examples of boundaries and ways to introduce them to your boss:

Fulfilling the responsibilities of your position and not that of others.

Sure, you want to be helpful. But taking on the responsibilities of others is not in your job description and isn’t honoring your boundaries.

Let’s say your boss keeps volunteering you for projects that aren’t in your job description. At first, it wasn’t a problem because you were flattered that your boss thought of you over the rest of your team. It showed trust in your abilities, and you wanted to validate that, so you accepted the responsibility and said “it’s no problem, I don’t mind at all.” Which, whether you meant to or not, sets a precedent for how you and your time can be treated.

In this case, direct communication is incredibly important. It’s not enough to say no to tasks that continue to come up that aren’t in your position description. You must communicate why a precedent like this cannot go on. But I have good news: communicating a boundary doesn’t have to be daunting. It can be as simple as, “Thank you for thinking of me, but this task really isn’t within the scope of my position.”

Sticking to your set work hours.

This means not clocking in early and out late. It can also mean that if your contract states you work 40 hours, stick to that or make sure you’re being appropriately compensated.

For example, this week you have a deadline for a big project. It’s Sunday morning and you’re nervous about meeting that deadline and completing other tasks in your week. You can do some work for the project today when you’re supposed to be taking the day off or wait until your work week starts tomorrow.

There is nothing inherently wrong with working on a weekend. The problem comes in when you are not respecting your boundaries. Your boundaries are unique to you. It’s essential to identify what your needs are in your personal and professional life and what boundaries you can set to meet those needs.

This will be different for everyone. For me, the important thing is having two full days off with one of those dedicated to rest and spending time with my fiancé, and another devoted to chores and errands. I can move those days around in my week according to work obligations without breaking that boundary.

There are some boundaries that don’t necessarily need to be communicated to your boss but they do need to be honored. These boundaries have to do more with your internal boundaries and respecting your own time and energy. In some ways these can be harder to enforce because the only person in your way is you. Here are some examples of internal boundaries:

If the message can wait, let it wait.

Maybe your co-workers keep messaging you on Slack while you’re trying to complete a task. Maybe it’s an email that you intend to respond to quickly until it’s 30 minutes later and you’ve abandoned the project you were working on to respond to emails. Whatever it is, it’s important to identify the issue and build a boundary to correct it.

Taking your full breaks and not working through them.

Yes, this includes your lunch. Your work can wait 30 minutes.

Leave your work at work.

This one can be tough and looks different for everybody, especially if you’re working from home. Boundaries to protect your personal time can be the most important and look different for everyone. It can be having a designated work space away from your resting areas (bed, couch, etc.). It can be around communication or breaks. The trick is identifying where work is invading your personal life and building boundaries around that.

Once you’ve identified your boundaries, you need to commit to honoring those within yourself. Which means not buckling even when communicating your boundaries gets intimidating. It also means knowing where you can bend your boundaries without breaking.

The tough truth is that boundaries start with you. If you don’t know what they are and don’t prioritize them yourself, you won’t be able to communicate that to your boss.

Header photo by (Gary Barnes / Pexels)